ShitMyDadSays

[Aleister Black]

http://twitter.com/Shitmydadsays


Some of this stuff is hilariously funny, pissing myself laughing about some of these.


These are a few of my favourites:

"A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching."

"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."

"The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out."

“Yes I got him a gift. He had a kidney stone. You piss a rock through your pecker, you deserve more than just a pat on the fucking back."

[BlackJack]

“Yes I got him a gift. He had a kidney stone. You piss a rock through your pecker, you deserve more than just a pat on the fucking back."

Fucking agreed. D:

[Doaj]

"We're out of Grape Nuts... No, what's left is for me. Sorry, I should have said "You're out of Grape Nuts."

Hahahahahahaha.
Some of those are pretty damn hilarious.

[Fatal Impurity]

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

Some important life lessons can be learned from this.

[dthc]

I just did an hour on the gym machine. I'm sweaty and I have to shit. Where's my fannypack, this workout is over.

^ That one is totally my mother all the way.

[Dee]

This one is probably my favorite -

"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."

xD