My Cousin Is Useless

**Fuyumine** · 01-29-2010, 02:05 PM

I want to get to work a screenplay (this would be my second, and no you cannot read it!) and I cannot, for the LIFE of me, think of a concept. I was thinking about adapting a novella I wrote, but decided that it was too close to The Transporter, despite the supernatural elements and whatnot.

So I ask my cousin what a good concept would be, and he started naming off plots from anime he's seen. USELESS, I tell you! LOL.

So, Rising Star, I come to you, what cool ideas do you have for me?

**Inu** · 01-29-2010, 02:18 PM

ONE MAN. ONE DESIRE. ONE TWINKIE.

**Fuyumine** · 01-29-2010, 02:21 PM

Originally Posted by Inu

ONE MAN. ONE DESIRE. ONE TWINKIE.

You know what? A person's first thoughts reading that concept would be "action comedy," and that's exactly what I would do. Except the comedy would lie in the serious tone of the script. LOL. Could you imagine The Book of Eli, with the Bible replaced by a Twinkie? Comedy GOLD.

Too bad that's too close to Zombieland, though.

**Inu** · 01-29-2010, 03:35 PM

Originally Posted by Fuyumine

Too bad that's too close to Zombieland, though.

Yeah. That's what I was basing it off of.

**Doaj** · 01-29-2010, 03:37 PM

So, apparently your cousin and Inu have something in common.

It could be about a young boy that grows up with braces on his legs and slight mental retardation. He lives in the south, gets drafted, and sees the little girl he crushed on in the first nude magazine he ever sees. His best friend dies, and he saves his commander from death, but he loses his legs. Want moar?!

**Unclesatan** · 01-29-2010, 03:53 PM

You can call it "Gorrest Fump"

**BlackJack** · 01-29-2010, 08:15 PM

What you should do is make it about a guy trying to write a screenplay, and have the audience see what he's writing with him as the main character, and have the screenplay being derivative of tons of classic movie, book and tv plot devices. Call it "Cliched". Or "Plagiarism". Or something.

That was a movie idea I was thinking about the other day.

**Casanova** · 01-29-2010, 08:26 PM

I have a great idea for a screenplay one day, but I'm not sharing!

**I Changed My Name Too!** · 01-29-2010, 09:13 PM

You could make an indie-style film where the point of view used is that of a porn actor's penis.

That would sell BIG.

**Doaj** · 01-29-2010, 11:28 PM

Originally Posted by Daftsounds

You could make an indie-style film where the point of view used is that of a porn actor's penis.

That would sell BIG.

If it's gonna be a comedy, then be careful with the puns. They would really turn off the audience, and not make them want moar.

**Mellusia** · 01-29-2010, 11:56 PM

Such a misleading thread title >_>

Well I guess one question is what's your aim in the screenplay? Are you just writing it for yourself, or are you trying to appeal to a wide audience? Or giving an ode to smaller group/fanbase or something?

**Fatal Impurity** · 02-01-2010, 02:26 PM

Have a detective Noir story in the future. One man, a terrible secret and a mysterious Client.

**Inu** · 02-01-2010, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by Fatal Impurity

Have a detective Noir story in the future. One man, a terrible secret and a mysterious Client.

DON'T FORGET THE GIANT ROBOT.

**Fatal Impurity** · 02-01-2010, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by Inu

DON'T FORGET THE GIANT ROBOT.

Obviously.

Can robot's dream? Or do they count electric sheep?

Blade Runner FTW

**Fuyumine** · 02-05-2010, 05:04 PM

ROFL I really love these responses, man. Like, reading them really made my day. Honestly and truly.

*HUGS RSF!*

**Doaj** · 02-08-2010, 03:18 PM

On a more serious note, would you like to hear one of my own ideas?

Good.

A little boy is sleeping in his bed when his house catches fire. By the time he wakes up, he's trapped in his room, and he's on the floor trying not to breathe in smoke. A police officer breaks down his door and carries him from the house, and the officer's boss won't let him back into the house because it might collapse, and the fire department had arrived. However, they do continue trying to douse the flames. Amidst the confusion, and the realization that his family is gone, the little boy runs off into the night holding a stuffed animal, an octopus, that is the only thing he has left.

The officer who saved him, Man A, realizes he's gone missing. His boss, again, tells him that someone will find him and take him to the police station, but Man A can't help but worry. He calls his wife and tells her he's going to go look for the boy, and she approves of his heroic intentions, but asks that he come home in a couple of hours if things look bleak. Meanwhile, the little boy meets a group of four or five crips, who wonder what he's doing out so late. He tells them his house burned down, and because he smells like smoke, they believe him. So, when they all get in a car to leave, they decide to take the kid with them, and then figure it out from there.

Unfortunately, while stopped at a light, another vehicle pulls alongside the car and opens fire. Bullets spear through the gangsters, the little boy, and his octopus, which he'd taken a liking to taking to as if it were his dad. As the boy is dying, he looks at the octopus and it says, "Son, this isn't how it really happened, is it?" Time rewinds until they're stopped at the light, and the little boy yells about the coming car. The driver sees them in his mirror and speeds off through the light, narrowly avoiding an accident, and they all cheer for the kid's keen eye.

They drop him off at the driver's sister's house, so she can watch him with her kids. Being about six, he's younger than her two sons, who are ten and twelve. The boys aren't fond of white kids because of their mother's view on white people in power, and the two older boys decide to beat him up. He runs away from them, and they chase him out of the house until a car cuts off his escape route, and they beat him with rocks. Crying, the octopus tells him, "That isn't how it happened, my boy. Don't you remember what really happened?" Time rewinds again, and he takes a different escape route so that the car cuts off the other boys instead of himself.

Man A, who has had no luck in his search, becomes aware of a drug deal going on in an alley. When he approaches the car of criminals, one individual mentions a lost boy who would've seen him coming for them. Man A tells him that he'll let them go if they tell him where the boy is. He's given the address of the driver's sister's house, and when he gets there learns that the boy ran off.

Meanwhile, the boy hears activity in a separate alleyway. His curiosity doesn't allow him to ignore it and he ventures in. The rustling in a garbage can causes him to stand on a crate and peer inside, to find a wild, rabid dog searching for food. It sees him and jumps, catching the boy by the face and pulling him to the ground. It shakes him savagely before running off, and the boy remains still. His octopus, which he dropped, crawls over to him and says, "That didn't happen, Son. I promise. Watch." The scene rewinds, and the boy grabs a big rock before going into the alley. The dog jumps at him, and he throws the rock at it, causing it to yelp and run off. Inside the trash he sees a $20 bill, which he pockets because he's gotten hungry.

Finding a 24-hour convenience store, he goes in and picks out some junk food to buy. The clerk asks if his parents are around, the boy shakes his head telling him that they're dead. The clerk, devious in his ways, tells him that for the $20 he'll let him sleep in a bed in the back of the shop. The boy gives him the money, and is shown to a cot. He's awakened from his sleep by the man, who is telling him to take his clothes off. The boy, knowing his intentions are foul, tries to run, and the man chases after him. The shop is locked up now, and the boy can't leave. He begins to throw merchandise at the man as he chases him around the store, and eventually the man catches him and throw him against a wall. It knocks him out, and he falls into the glass door where the soft drinks are kept, shattering it and being shredded by large blades of broken glass. The octopus, with stuffing spilling out, says, "Everything is going to be okay. Just run behind the counter." Everything rewinds again, and instead of running for the locked door, he does as the octopus told him, darting behind the counter. Underneath the cash register he says a pistol. He picks it up as the man grabs his arm, and the gun goes off twice. The first shot goes through the man's stomach, doubling him over, and the second shot ricochets off the wall and shatters the glass window. Hiding the gun under his pajama shirt, he carefully walks out the now-open window.

Man A receives a call from his boss, who tells him that there was a reported shots fired, and such-and-such location, with a single witness who says a child ran from the scene. He arrives to find the clerk still alive, but with severe bleeding. The paramedics had not yet arrived, and he questions the man about the boy. He claims the boy tried to steal, and when he threatened to call the police, he grabbed the gun and fired. Man A leaves, not believing his story, and follows a pair of bloody sock-prints until they disappear in an alley. As he quietly walks down the alley, he hears soft crying. The boy is sitting in a nook in the building, cradling the gun and his octopus. Man A tells him everything will be fine, and reaches to help him, and the boy aims the gun at him, telling him to leave him alone. Man A continues his slow approach, when the door he was leaning against in the nook opens behind him. A large man, clearly intoxicated, stumbles over the boy, who lets off four rounds. Two of them hit Man A, one being stopped by his bullet-proof vest, and the other hitting him in the face. The third round ends up in a wall, and the fourth went through the drunken man's leg. Scared, high, and enraged, the man beat's the boy to death, while the octopus says, "It's too late, it's just too late."

The boy comes to, and everything is white. He wearing his bloodied PJs and walking, but he can't hear anything, and besides his octopus, he's alone. Eventually, he hears a voice say, "I am here, Son." He looks up and sees the face of God. God tells him that he must die, but he will do his best to help. The octopus argues, calling God useless and late. "You could've saved this boy, but instead you waited until the Devil had ruined his innocent outlook and made him a murderer."

God acknowledged this, and said simply that it was the boy's time, as well as Man A's. However, he would grant the boy one wish, because it was unfair nonetheless that his life was cut short. The boy walked up a staircase to the ear on God's head, and whispered into it, careful not to let the octopus hear, because the octopus might rewind time and ruin his wish. After he says it, the octopus, propped on eight tentacles before God, says, "Oh. So this is how it really happened." Time rewinds all the way back until the boy is in his burning bedroom. Man A runs into the building and saves the boy's parents, carrying one over each shoulder. His boss yells at him not to run back into the house, but he does anyway, carrying out a fourteen year-old girl, the boy's sister. The fire department arrives, but Man A rushes back into the building, because the firefighters refuse to go inside. He kicks in the boy's door, and the boy tells him that God said they have to die. Man A picks up the boy, and tries to rush back through the doorway, when it caves in. The window shatters as its overtaken with flames, and Man A begins to cough. He agrees that it looks like it must be their time, and tells the boy not to be afraid. Man A sits down in a corner of the room, holding the boy and stroking his hair. The octopus was sitting in the boy's lap, and it asked the boy, "What was your wish?" The boy says he wanted his family to get to live, and as Man A pulls out his phone to call his wife and say good-bye, the boy tells him that he's happy. Man A doesn't call her, and throws his phone into the nearing fire. He squeezes the boy and his octopus tightly and says, "Then so am I."

END.

**Daesy** · 02-09-2010, 12:40 AM

Originally Posted by Doaj

On a more serious note, would you like to hear one of my own ideas?

Good.

A little boy is sleeping in his bed when his house catches fire. By the time he wakes up, he's trapped in his room, and he's on the floor trying not to breathe in smoke. A police officer breaks down his door and carries him from the house, and the officer's boss won't let him back into the house because it might collapse, and the fire department had arrived. However, they do continue trying to douse the flames. Amidst the confusion, and the realization that his family is gone, the little boy runs off into the night holding a stuffed animal, an octopus, that is the only thing he has left.

The officer who saved him, Man A, realizes he's gone missing. His boss, again, tells him that someone will find him and take him to the police station, but Man A can't help but worry. He calls his wife and tells her he's going to go look for the boy, and she approves of his heroic intentions, but asks that he come home in a couple of hours if things look bleak. Meanwhile, the little boy meets a group of four or five crips, who wonder what he's doing out so late. He tells them his house burned down, and because he smells like smoke, they believe him. So, when they all get in a car to leave, they decide to take the kid with them, and then figure it out from there.

Unfortunately, while stopped at a light, another vehicle pulls alongside the car and opens fire. Bullets spear through the gangsters, the little boy, and his octopus, which he'd taken a liking to taking to as if it were his dad. As the boy is dying, he looks at the octopus and it says, "Son, this isn't how it really happened, is it?" Time rewinds until they're stopped at the light, and the little boy yells about the coming car. The driver sees them in his mirror and speeds off through the light, narrowly avoiding an accident, and they all cheer for the kid's keen eye.

They drop him off at the driver's sister's house, so she can watch him with her kids. Being about six, he's younger than her two sons, who are ten and twelve. The boys aren't fond of white kids because of their mother's view on white people in power, and the two older boys decide to beat him up. He runs away from them, and they chase him out of the house until a car cuts off his escape route, and they beat him with rocks. Crying, the octopus tells him, "That isn't how it happened, my boy. Don't you remember what really happened?" Time rewinds again, and he takes a different escape route so that the car cuts off the other boys instead of himself.

Man A, who has had no luck in his search, becomes aware of a drug deal going on in an alley. When he approaches the car of criminals, one individual mentions a lost boy who would've seen him coming for them. Man A tells him that he'll let them go if they tell him where the boy is. He's given the address of the driver's sister's house, and when he gets there learns that the boy ran off.

Meanwhile, the boy hears activity in a separate alleyway. His curiosity doesn't allow him to ignore it and he ventures in. The rustling in a garbage can causes him to stand on a crate and peer inside, to find a wild, rabid dog searching for food. It sees him and jumps, catching the boy by the face and pulling him to the ground. It shakes him savagely before running off, and the boy remains still. His octopus, which he dropped, crawls over to him and says, "That didn't happen, Son. I promise. Watch." The scene rewinds, and the boy grabs a big rock before going into the alley. The dog jumps at him, and he throws the rock at it, causing it to yelp and run off. Inside the trash he sees a $20 bill, which he pockets because he's gotten hungry.

Finding a 24-hour convenience store, he goes in and picks out some junk food to buy. The clerk asks if his parents are around, the boy shakes his head telling him that they're dead. The clerk, devious in his ways, tells him that for the $20 he'll let him sleep in a bed in the back of the shop. The boy gives him the money, and is shown to a cot. He's awakened from his sleep by the man, who is telling him to take his clothes off. The boy, knowing his intentions are foul, tries to run, and the man chases after him. The shop is locked up now, and the boy can't leave. He begins to throw merchandise at the man as he chases him around the store, and eventually the man catches him and throw him against a wall. It knocks him out, and he falls into the glass door where the soft drinks are kept, shattering it and being shredded by large blades of broken glass. The octopus, with stuffing spilling out, says, "Everything is going to be okay. Just run behind the counter." Everything rewinds again, and instead of running for the locked door, he does as the octopus told him, darting behind the counter. Underneath the cash register he says a pistol. He picks it up as the man grabs his arm, and the gun goes off twice. The first shot goes through the man's stomach, doubling him over, and the second shot ricochets off the wall and shatters the glass window. Hiding the gun under his pajama shirt, he carefully walks out the now-open window.

Man A receives a call from his boss, who tells him that there was a reported shots fired, and such-and-such location, with a single witness who says a child ran from the scene. He arrives to find the clerk still alive, but with severe bleeding. The paramedics had not yet arrived, and he questions the man about the boy. He claims the boy tried to steal, and when he threatened to call the police, he grabbed the gun and fired. Man A leaves, not believing his story, and follows a pair of bloody sock-prints until they disappear in an alley. As he quietly walks down the alley, he hears soft crying. The boy is sitting in a nook in the building, cradling the gun and his octopus. Man A tells him everything will be fine, and reaches to help him, and the boy aims the gun at him, telling him to leave him alone. Man A continues his slow approach, when the door he was leaning against in the nook opens behind him. A large man, clearly intoxicated, stumbles over the boy, who lets off four rounds. Two of them hit Man A, one being stopped by his bullet-proof vest, and the other hitting him in the face. The third round ends up in a wall, and the fourth went through the drunken man's leg. Scared, high, and enraged, the man beat's the boy to death, while the octopus says, "It's too late, it's just too late."

The boy comes to, and everything is white. He wearing his bloodied PJs and walking, but he can't hear anything, and besides his octopus, he's alone. Eventually, he hears a voice say, "I am here, Son." He looks up and sees the face of God. God tells him that he must die, but he will do his best to help. The octopus argues, calling God useless and late. "You could've saved this boy, but instead you waited until the Devil had ruined his innocent outlook and made him a murderer."

God acknowledged this, and said simply that it was the boy's time, as well as Man A's. However, he would grant the boy one wish, because it was unfair nonetheless that his life was cut short. The boy walked up a staircase to the ear on God's head, and whispered into it, careful not to let the octopus hear, because the octopus might rewind time and ruin his wish. After he says it, the octopus, propped on eight tentacles before God, says, "Oh. So this is how it really happened." Time rewinds all the way back until the boy is in his burning bedroom. Man A runs into the building and saves the boy's parents, carrying one over each shoulder. His boss yells at him not to run back into the house, but he does anyway, carrying out a fourteen year-old girl, the boy's sister. The fire department arrives, but Man A rushes back into the building, because the firefighters refuse to go inside. He kicks in the boy's door, and the boy tells him that God said they have to die. Man A picks up the boy, and tries to rush back through the doorway, when it caves in. The window shatters as its overtaken with flames, and Man A begins to cough. He agrees that it looks like it must be their time, and tells the boy not to be afraid. Man A sits down in a corner of the room, holding the boy and stroking his hair. The octopus was sitting in the boy's lap, and it asked the boy, "What was your wish?" The boy says he wanted his family to get to live, and as Man A pulls out his phone to call his wife and say good-bye, the boy tells him that he's happy. Man A doesn't call her, and throws his phone into the nearing fire. He squeezes the boy and his octopus tightly and says, "Then so am I."

END.

There is your first draft right there.

You could do my story. All i want is a 10% of whatever you make off of it. Dogs of War. Its in the writing section.

**Doaj** · 02-09-2010, 01:02 AM

Make off of it? What do you think I do? I give people coupons for Pizza Time. I won't make a dime off of anything. Flattering, although I don't think I need a bigger ego.